Concrete Pillows
In New York City
by Herb Bardavid
This is Robert
As I walked down Lexington Avenue near 62nd Street, I saw Robert sitting cross-legged on the hard sidewalk, engrossed in a book, a cardboard sign propped beside him that said "Anything Helps." I placed a dollar in his cup, and he said thank you without looking up. Engaging him in conversation, I asked if he was homeless. With a small knowing smile, he replied, "Not really... I sleep in the men's shelters." I thought it very interesting that, not having an apartment or room of his own, he could still define himself and not be homeless.
At 36, Robert has a lifetime of experiences. Born and raised in Los Angeles, he is an only child. His mother's death when he was just 10 years old marked the beginning of his solitude. He has always been a loner. In school, he felt isolated from his fellow students and described his education as drifting in a sea of people, without any connection or understanding of the world around him.
After High School, he took on arduous jobs as a busboy and dishwasher in bustling restaurants, managing to escape the relationship with his father, with whom he never got along. He said that his father was physically and emotionally distant. He thought his father saw Robert as a burden and a bother, paying little attention to his needs. As soon as he earned enough money to afford an apartment, he moved out and found some semblance of independence in his small apartment.
Robert did well for several years in Los Angeles; however, reading about adventure wasn't enough for him; he wanted to experience it, and he wanted to travel.
So, he bought a train ticket to what he considered one of the most exciting cities, New York. Once again, he found work in a restaurant as a dishwasher and busboy, earning enough to afford a small studio apartment in The Bronx.
Then, in 2020, COVID-19 and the pandemic. He lost both jobs and quickly lost his apartment in the Bronx. He has been homeless since then. He tries not to sleep on the streets at night, seeking refuge in the men's shelters. However, he does not like them, he doesn't feel safe, but he considers it better than the streets.
His love of reading continues. He started reading a Steven King book this morning and is already at page 114 and said he will likely finish by tomorrow. He reads two or three books a week. He has a library card and a cell phone. He said he panhandles to maintain his cell phone, buy food, and drink coffee. He has never done drugs and said alcohol makes him feel "stupid." "Coffee is my drug of choice."
Robert has chosen a lifestyle of adventure and drifting both in reading and reality. He clearly is happy with his choice. And manages to avoid concrete Pillows.